Crazy Chinese 3 – When are you going to marry?

Thu, 20/03/2014 - 11:52 By wenjun

Every time I visit my family in China, I got asked the same question again and again by almost everyone I met “When are you going to marry?” Believe me, that’s not the worst. If you dare to say that you are not in hurry, they will tell you “you are already too old, how dare you not make plan for your life”. How do you think about that?


Here in Sweden, you are independent as a person. You move out from your parents’ house at 18. You either work or loan money to support your further studying. The most important is you decide who you want to date and marry. When you are old and can’t take care of yourself, you move to elderly home.


In China, you are part of a family before you are an independent human being. Your parents support 100% of your university studying, unless you try to earn some money yourself, which has never been in a Chinese students’ mind set. Most Chinese parents and teachers think it’s a waste of time to do a part-time job which will bring you maybe 10 kr per hour. You should focus on studying instead and prepare for a much high income after studying.


For a boy, you never move away from home. For a girl, you move to your husband’s home after marriage. This has been an important reason why Chinese parents want to have a son instead of daughter. But with the modernization of Chinese society, more and more young couples move away from parents and start independent life after marriage.


However, 4 months birth leaving is far away from enough for couples having babe. They would have to ask their parents to help, then three generations move together again in some way. When your parents are old, you as good kids, would take care of them. In China, you send your parents to elderly home only when you hate each other.


So, you see the differences between Swedish and Chinese families. In China, getting married is a big issue between two families. Not only about your own feeling, but also you and your partner’s parents and relatives have to like each other. It’s a big issue about sharing rights and responsibilities in the future.  


Not so easy!

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